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This last weekend we celebrated my youngest daughter’s 18^th Birthday! It happened to be her Golden Birthday as well! We celebrated with our family and some of Tori’s Friends at our home. It was a great time with a Nacho Bar, Games, and finishing the evening with an outdoor movie! It truly made me reflect on Tori, her start in life, her growing up, and my hopes for her future. One of the joys of being a blogger is that instead of sharing with a few people how much I love the people that I love, I get to share it with the world. Of course, I asked Tori if she would mind my sharing her story, and she said she would love me to share it.

From Foster Care to Forever Family

Our Story began in Foster Care

Tori joined our family just before her 4^th birthday. Prior to that, she had been in and out of foster care for most of her life. Many of the situations that she was in, were not good situations. In one home, Tori and her brother were kept in a room for 9 months. In a nutshell, cartoons were on 24 hours a day, occasionally the Foster Mom would throw a bag of fast food in, and Tori and her brother would fight over it. When the bag of fast food did not come, they would eat the mattress, their own feces, and sometimes the wallboard. It was not a good situation.

I should take a moment and say that although I initially was concerned, once I truly learned about my children’s time in Foster Care, I became extremely angry. Angry at the foster care system, angry at the foster parents, pretty much just angry that my future babies had not been cared for the way I would have hoped that they would have. But, I don’t want this to be a commentary that shines a dark light on foster care. I know many families who do an amazing job of foster care. Who bring children into their home, love them, clothe them, feed them, and help them to grow. For these amazing families, I am always thankful, but it was not the experience Tori had.

Tori, so happy that she grew here hair for someone in need.

A little bit about 4-year-old Tori

Back to Tori. When Tori arrived at my home, she had no self-care skills, could not eat by herself, and could barely speak. For instance, she had no beginning or ending sounds to her words. Basically, she had a few sounds she made and became angry very easily when she was not understood. Pretty much everything made her angry. At every meal, she would put her elbow into her cup and knock it over. She would eat until she threw up and would scream if I did not give her more to eat. And she would break everything in sight. Literally. In fact, we had a timeout stool….until at 4 Tori smashed it until it broke into little bits.

Mom and Daughter, Celebrating Tori’s 18th Birthday!

You might be thinking about now, um, this is a bit raw. It is, and when I think about it, it reminds me of things I don’t want to think about. But, I don’t get angry anymore. I have prayed for her birth parents, foster parents, the social workers, and the system. Because of this, I don’t get angry, I have compassion, and offer grace. And thankfully, I am filled with forgiveness.

Tori’s School Years

Tori started speech therapy at 4, and a prestart school program at 5. She was originally put into mainstream classes, and I pushed for months to have her placed in a special day program. Tori was guided by, and cared for by, an amazing group of teachers over the years and, I am excited to say, she is working to graduate this year. Her GPA is 3.14, and she is beginning college classes early. She still faces many learning challenges, and occasionally forgets to include the first or last sounds of words, but her growth has been amazing!

Torianna enjoying her new RiceLove BackPack with Smully the Cat

Tori is amazingly artistic. I learned early on that the way to calm Tori was to give her art supplies, paper, and crafting materials. These things have always allowed Tori to express herself without the hindrance of words and writing. She and her older sister have a great time drawing on themselves as well! They have created some of the most beautiful arm and leg art on themselves and everyone they know. She also makes clay creatures, beautiful crowns, and does beautiful fabric craft. I am truly blessed to see her growth in this as well.

Tori, always ready for a fun photo op!

Over the years, Tori has gone to public school, and, also, my Mom and I have had the privilege of homeschooling her. She has participated for many years in youth soccer, acted in plays, and been very involved in church. She has traveled with us as a family all over the United States, taken care of many animals, and is a treasured aunt to her niece. And, she cracks me up to no end. There is nothing I enjoy more than the two of us driving along and cracking each other up!

Tori is filled with compassion

Tori also had a great deal of compassion for those who have very little. I remember when Tori was about 7. We were walking down the pier in San Francisco and a homeless man was asking for money. We all just kept walking, but Tori said we must give him some money. I told Tori that we only had a certain amount of money allotted to spend that day. She said he could have her dinner money. So, yes. I gave Tori a $5 bill and she walked back to the man who was sitting, gave him the $5 and told him Jesus loves him. Yes, tears in my eyes.

Tori Opening Gifts

Tori loves to help me create self-care packs for the homeless, to hand out water to those in need, and to give her clothes to those who are less fortunate. She loves to shop for kids who are on the Angel Tree at Christmas, and ensure that those who have less, will have more. And she raises money personally to help those in need and has a giving heart in general. I love all these amazing qualities and am excited to see them continue to develop in her as she grows.

Tori also gave her hair

Tori has grown her hair out the required 13 inches and cut it off to donate to children needing wigs due to health issues or chemotherapy several times, even though she can’t stand the snarls that come with long hair.  In addition, Tori has also given blood twice and is planning on donating platelets as she has a very needed blood type. You can read more about Tori giving blood here.

Tori’s 4th Birthday Party

And for the Future

For the future, I am excited as Tori grows into a young woman. She is working to earn a degree in early childhood education and wants to work with young children. She, of course, will always be involved in art, acting, and various projects at the church. Tori is planning on going to both Mexico and Africa on Missions trips to help those in need. And, once she is established as an adult, wants to offer her home as a Foster Parent.

I am so thankful for the growth I have seen in Tori, and for her ability to not let her circumstances pull her down and keep her there. I truly believe that there is a great need for Foster Care, and people who have patience and love available to give, should research Foster Care Programs. And, I also believe that if you prayerfully believe that you would be able to go through the ups and downs of Foster Adopt, you should. It is very challenging at times, and can be heart-wrenching, but also offers an amazing community of parents who support each other through the process.

Tori dressed in 1940’s collection.

What can you do to help?

Right now you might be thinking, “Hey Jennifer, I was just going to read a blog post, I am not ready to be a Foster or Adoptive Parent”. Don’t worry, I don’t think everyone in the world should sign up to be Foster or Adoptive Parents. It is a very hard road, and it is not for everyone. But, everyone can help in some way. Below are a few organizations that help support Foster Kids. For instance, PopUpBirthday.Org ensures that Foster Kids have birthday parties and birthday presents. And Family Connections Christian Adoptions help match Adoptive and Foster Families.  In addition, they help support orphanages in 3rd world countries with giving projects.

And there are other great programs as well. MyStuffBags.Org provides emergency bags for kids who are picked up during domestic challenges. The emergency bag provides a small blanket, a stuffed toy, and basic necessities for the child in transition. A few years ago, a group of fraternal sisters and I purchased material and then a group of sisters made blankets for just such a project. A lot of love went into those blankets, as well as prayers for the kids who would receive them.

Share A Meal with  Foster Family

There are so many ways to help the almost half a million Foster Kids in the USA, and I am sure the need is great around the world as well. Another simple way is to choose one night a month and offer to take a Foster Family dinner. You can read more about kid-friendly recipes that you can use to create a  Spare to Share here. Or, if you are like me and love to do laundry, offer to help a  Foster Mom catch up on the laundry. It could be a great day of Coffee, chats, laughter, and laundry. I know this would be a huge blessing!

What are your best ideas for helping kids in need, and Foster Families? Share in the comments below.

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