We may earn money or products from the companies mentioned in this post. “We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates  Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a  means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated  sites.” You can read my full disclosure by clicking on the disclosure policy in the menu above.

Why Your Family Needs the 5 Love Languages

“We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.”

I first read the book, ‘The 5 Love Languages” about 25 years ago. I was single at the time and thought it would not be helpful because I didn’t have a sweetheart. At that time, I owned a bookstore, and the book was gaining in popularity so I thought I would read it so that I could offer a recommendation to my customers. But, I was wrong, the book was so incredibly helpful to me, and every relationship I have had since. Whether it be romantic, parent-child, sibling, friends, church family, or workmates, this simple concept can change the way you understand how to give and receive love.

Why Families Need the 5 Love Languages

First off, we all give and receive Love differently. We can have overlapping needs, and we all truly need a little of each to make a relationship work well, but we all receive Love in one main way. For me, it is Acts of Service. My Mom receives love through Gifts. And my Oldest Son needs Words of Affirmation, and my Oldest Daughter’s Love Language is Touch. My Sister receives love through Quality Time. If I did not know this about these people, I hold so dearly, I would be constantly performing Acts of Service to try to show my Love, and they would not understand because it is not their Love language.

What are the Five Love Languages, you Ask?

Receiving Gifts

For those whose Love Language is receiving gifts, you will find that gifts really matter. My Mom’s love language is receiving gifts and you can read more about that here. She is awesome because she knows how important gifts are to her, and she knows that I am not great at buying gifts for people. I must really think hard. Imagine my face red with steam coming out of my ears. Since this is the case, she usually tells me what she would like for a birthday or Christmas.

Because she has been doing this for years, I have worked to keep a list going with the types of gifts she likes. I highly recommend keeping a list of items you hear your loved one talk about, and when all else fails, ask them what they would want. No game playing, say, “I want to show you love, what would you like me to get you”. Then get it, wrap it up, make it special and present it.

Love Quote

Words of Affirmation

Words of Affirmation is a difficult one, especially for holidays. On a day to day basis, it is awesome. Simply taking the time to tell someone how much you love them, how wonderful they are, how they make the world a better place. But when it comes to a gift-giving season it can be a little difficult. It is sometimes hard to fill a box with positive words and give it to a loved one. So, what are a few things you can do for your loved one?

Write out a personal letter as a gift sharing how awesome they are, how much you love them, or a special thing about them that you have noticed. Be careful with your wording since people who are blessed by Words of Affirmation typically can fall into semantic games. Pray about it, write it out, and share your heart.

Make a print or poster of a poem that you write, or a poem or quote you’ve read that speaks to the person or your relationship with them. This can be posted on their wall or desk to remind them of your words for them.

Plan an afternoon lunch or walk where you will focus on sharing your feelings with them and hearing theirs. With Words of Affirmation, it is important to not just speak to the person but to hear them speak to you and understand. I often find that when I am talking with someone whose Love Language is Words of Affirmation, they like it when you verify that you hear and understand their words to you.

Why Families Need the 5 Love Languages

Physical Touch

When my daughter Victoria was young, she was a Mama’s girl. Whether I was doing laundry, working, or having coffee with a friend, she wanted to be next to me. Every night around 3 in the morning she would come into my bed for a cuddle. I would hold her for a while, fill her back up with cuddles, say a prayer, get a drink of water, and take her back to bed. In addition, she would come out every evening and ask me to rock her to sleep. I would swaddle her up tight, and rock her to sleep. Hugs and cuddles throughout every day. Whenever we were in the car she would say from the back seat, “Mama, holda my han”. So yes, I drove around for years holding a little tiny hand from the back seat. It was awesome.

Luckily, people don’t grow out of having the love language of Touch. To this day, she is always up for a cuddle, loves to sit next to people on the couch cuddled up in a blanket, and enjoys contact sports. One of the awesome things about my daughter, Victoria, is that she gives the world’s best hugs. If you ever have the opportunity to be hugged by her, you will consider yourself to be the most fortunate of people. When she hugs you, it is fully, completely, and you feel as if you have been completely revived, just because of being in her most capable arms of love for a moment.

What should you do as a gift for your person who receives love through Touch? Hold their hand when you are walking. Hug them, fully and often. Put your arm around them. Hold their face in your hands. Give them a shoulder massage. Cuddle. Play sports together. The list goes on and on. And again, if you are not sure what to do, ask them.

Quality Time

As I said, my Sister’s love language is Time. Since Time is not my Love Language, it was hard for me to understand how to be the best sister to her for a long time. But, once identified, I learned what matters most to her. When I say time, I truly mean devoted time. For instance, if I sat next to my sister for hours, but I was scrolling social media the entire time, that would not be Quality Time. To be speaking in the Love Language of someone who speaks Time, the time needs to be well spent. Often with my sister, this means a phone conversation where I am not constantly interrupted. Or, taking a trip together, where I am not constantly distracted by work or phone calls.

Realistically, you can’t always take an uninterrupted trip together, but you can make time for a focused visit. Whether you are going to a game or the movies together, planning an evening together, or going on a walk. Whatever it is, make sure you have planned  your time to be focused whether in conversation, or a shared activity. Focus in, and let the person guide the activity. And, again, ask them what they want and need.

Why Families Need the 5 Love Languages

Acts of Service

Now on to my favorite Love Language, Acts of Service. Why is it my favorite, because it is my Love Language. If your Love Language is Gifts or Touch you might wonder what someone who is fed by Acts of Service would desire. Well, I will share a few:

Doing the Dishes.

Changing the Oil in the Car either literally or taking the car to the shop.

Bringing in the Wood

Going to do the grocery shopping

Hanging a Picture

Making a Dinner for them

Planning the route of a vacation.

All these things have been done for me, and all of them made me feel so filled up with love! How should you plan to bless your love who is loved through Acts of Service? Listen to them. More than likely they will tell you what they would love. Often when my family asks me what I would like for Christmas, I will let them know what I would love for them to do for me. I can easily buy presents for myself if I wanted them, but I love it when someone cuts up the wood and stacks it so that I don’t have to. Literally, for me, that is better than a present wrapped up with a bow.

For the person who is loved through Acts of Service challenge yourself to come up with something that you can do for them to show your love. But, if you really are having a hard time coming up with something, ask. Ask your loved one if there is something you could do for them as a “gift”. And then do it, whatever it is. Without grumbling or complaining. And then when you are finished let them know what you did, and that you did it because you love them. It will matter to them.

The Books

I highly recommend getting one or more of these books from Amazon, so I am including the links. We read the book, Five Love Languages for Kids when my kids were little. It helped our whole family to understand our Love Languages, what our needs were, and how to Love each other. I have included several different links below so that you can get the book that your family most needs now. You will find that the books give such a wealth of information that will become invaluable as you learn about your family, and their needs.

So, What is your Love Language? Share in the comments below and what makes you feel most loved?

Follow on social

Remember to follow me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest, and subscribe to receive additional ideas on how to give your time, talents, and money to make the world a better place.

“We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.”